He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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