no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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