did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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