is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
