If that was your dad, he is hot
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
