I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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