but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
