Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
