There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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