and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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