allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
