I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
