I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
