We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
