you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
