R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize