So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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