why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
