so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
