My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
