Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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