Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
