operation have a gay friend backfired
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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