We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
