if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
