Christians are straight up FREAKS
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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