who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We left an ass print on the piano.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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