I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
