you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
