You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
