Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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