He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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