I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
