I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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