If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
