How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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