Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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