Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
