im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
