we're chasing vodka with high fives
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
