I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
