did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
