So drunk its hurt
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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