I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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