After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
