We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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