i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
