Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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