Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We talked him into tasing himself.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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