he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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