Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
