I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
