walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
