so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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