can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
