You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
