no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
