is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
