Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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