I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
