hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize