it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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