Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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