you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have aggressive nipples.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
