My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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