I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
