You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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