I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
