You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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