I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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