Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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