I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
