Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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