Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
