a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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