I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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