eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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