They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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