I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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